Been Blackballed? The 5 Must-Do's to Win at this Dastardly Game

by Jill-Capri Simms
Whether in a private club, career, political arena, community or even church organization, if you have a nagging suspicion that you've been blackballed, there's a pretty good chance you have. Here are five sure-fire ways to effectively and efficiently deflate the ill effects of this invisible nemesis.

For starters, blackballing is not to be confused with public ridiculing or open slandering. In the political arena or even at a comedy house, mudslingers and hecklers are quickly identified. The heckler actually wants the center-stage; they want the video tape to roll; they thrive on attention. These brash and staunchly opinionated opponents posture their own truths by brazenly challenging anyone who should differ. They continuously gab and blab because they want to be heard by all that want to listen, and even those who would rather tune them out.

Quite the opposite, however, is the blackballer. The blackballer more often operates surreptitiously, not wanting to be discovered. Therefore, their prey are aware they've been blackballed, yet only have suspicion and circumstantial evidence about the culprit. As a result, the victim grieves over the misdeeds, but usually says or does nothing out of concern for being labeled accusatory, overlysensitive, extreme or even paranoid.

However, here are your five tips to take the steam out of the blackballer's engine, and perhaps even obliterate the effects of blackballing:

1. Start-up, Own-up, Fess-up, and Make It Right: Begin with winning the game [yes, it's ugly, but it is a cowardly game -- more about the profile of the

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blackballer in a minute]. You win the game of blackballing by starting with self-inspection and self-reflection. Be brutally honest with yourself by considering your words spoken, decisions made, and actions taken. If you did or said nothing wrong, accusatory, defamatory, slanderous, manipulative, harmful, etc. your hands are clean. You still win because you first examined yourself.

Conversely, if you started "it" own "it". Take responsibility for what you instigated. Identify and acknowledge your part in the perpetual cycle of roadblocks to achieving your hopes, desires, business deals, opportunities, and the like. When you accept what you actually and factually did to instigate being blackballed, you will be better able to accept the consequences of your words and actions. Ownership also stirs up your internal fortitude to persevere through rejection and disappointments. Owning "it" will be your impetus to building the mental, emotional and spiritual muscle to endure shut doors, unreturned phone calls and ostracism. As you persist, you will even become stronger in your willingness and decisions to change relationships, jobs, social groups, churches and even your place of residence. This, however, is not about running from a situation. Keep in mind, if you have not first dealt with self, even running to Siberia will not change your state of mind or the emotional condition of your heart.

Next, after acknowledging and accepting your part in it, fess-up! Confess without an inkling of an excuse as to why you said or did, what you said or did. Decide and choose the right time and setting to meet with your blackballer to present not only your sincere apology, but your attempt to make the situation right. If meeting with him is not possible [i.e., they don't want to meet with you; they intentionally avoid you] consider writing a genuine letter of
apology, and a request or offer a suggestion on how to repair the situation. A candid confession coupled with a genuine offer to make amends demonstrates a mature and willing heart and mindset. These actions are also self-evident of your level and degree of unforgiveness.

Warning: Confessing and making amends are best done when there is the highest level of certainty or perhaps substantial proof in naming your blackballer. Continually chasing down and apologizing to any and every one you think might have "done you wrong" only demonstrates you have a persecution complex. This weakens the likelihood of having any apology accepted; and might actually result in further exacerbating the situation and getting plenty of doors slammed in your face.

Another Warning: Chances are extremely slim that you will ever definitively identify your nemesis. Remember, your blackballer is not your flamboyant rival that wants to openly duke-it-out and resolve issues of conflict. On the contrary, she operates clandestinely and does not want to be found out. The blackballer is a pro at "throwing the rock and hiding her hand." Therefore, do not become overly confident that you'll "find" your blackballer or that she would be willing to have a sit-down with you if you should locate her. Nonetheless, do your part. Start with self and the mind set of owning your words and
actions. This could potentially lead to squashing the matter and clearing any barricades to your advancement. This is your formula to winning!

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